They can’t hear

We all have our demons. Sooner or later we connect with our twisted and complicated minds and embrace the darkness  within.

I don’t speak though I can. I sit silent sometimes though all I want is to scream until my throat hurts. I want to explain to others what I feel, what I am going through. They listen but they can’t understand…I talk but I can’t reach out to them, make them see, make them feel what I feel. I quit and then I catch myself doing it again when I meet a new person, hoping this one will understand.

When you’re sitting with a person in one room, do you ever feel that you’re actually in two different rooms? That there is a wall between the two of you? That you’re screaming at each other but can’t hear a thing?

 

Forgive me, Father

‘Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.’

‘I am listening, my child.’

‘Father, I have committed too many sins.’

‘We all do, my child. It is important to be aware of them and ask God for forgiveness.’

‘But I have committed too, too many…horrid, despicable sins…’

‘I am listening, child.’

‘I…I have committed crimes.’

‘What kind of crimes?’

‘Serious crimes. I wanted his death for so long. I finally did it.’

‘You killed someone?’

‘Then there was the daughter. So disgustingly innocent. She was not innocent!’

‘Who did you kill?’

‘Then the sister and, of course, her boyfriend. My God, why did they have to appear on that particular moment?’

‘What exactly happened?’

‘As I exited there was the neighbor and his dog. Ha, the dog couldn’t protect him, could he? And then his wife saw what was happening and came running in her pretty little red dress.’

‘Please child, tell me what happened!’

‘Then the pizza delivery boy…why did he enter the house? He had to come in? He heard the woman’s cries. He saw her blood in the hallway, on the stairs, in the bathroom…oh God. He saw the door open and the blood, oh the blood, everywhere!’

‘Please, calm yourself. What happened? Did you kill them?’

‘Then the policeman had to give me a ticket. Couldn’t he see I was in despair? He couldn’t understand. I told him I wasn’t hurt. It wasn’t my own blood. He didn’t want to understand.’

‘If you explain what happened I will understand.’

‘Then I met a man on the way here asking me for money. He insisted…he…’

‘Did you kill him too?’

‘He didn’t see it coming. There was no one there to help him. He didn’t expect it. The look on his face…’

‘Where is he now?’

‘Then there was the priest who kept asking questions…’

 

Eternal torment

I never knew death could be so peaceful. I never actually believed in it.

When I opened my eyes and faced the building I had thrown myself from I couldn’t believe how high it actually was. I should have been crushed by now or chocked in my own blood. But I wasn’t. I simply wasn’t.

I sat up and felt as if I had just gotten out of bed. The streets were deserted for this time of the night. No one had seen me jump. No one found me dead. I imagined people gathered around my corpse, wondering why a girl like me killed herself. I imagined the news on tv…

I was standing in the middle of the street. It really felt like nothing had happened. If someone passed me by right now, they wouldn’t know.

I looked up again. I had jumped, hadn’t I? A few moments ago, I was right there, on the edge of my balcony six floors up. I was crying and then I stepped on air ready to face death. For a moment I was flying then I panicked, my heart felt like exploding, my head hurt, I wanted to scream but I couldn’t and then I was gone. When I opened my eyes I was laying on concrete in the middle of the street yet my body was perfectly fine. Perhaps I was a ghost? No, there should have been a body here. I should have been able to stare at my own blooded body…then again, what did I know? If I was not dead then what the hell was this?

I walked to the door of my building. Keys. I had no keys of course to enter, didn’t really think of bringing the keys when I jumped…

I rang the intercom of one of my neighbors. He was very grumpy. It was after all way past normal hours. I asked him to let me in and luckily he didn’t refuse.

A few moments later I was standing before my apartment door realizing how stupid I was. I had no keys of course…no phone, nothing. What an idiot! What to do? Ask my neighbor to help me again? Use his phone to call my brother to come over and let me in?

I exited the building again not wanting to bother neither my neighbor nor my brother. I felt different. Perhaps I died after all.

I roamed the streets, clueless and bewildered.

Why had I jumped? It all started three months ago.

Three months ago I met the love of my life.

Three months ago I organized a party for my birthday and decorated my balcony with colorful lights and ornaments. A friend of mine brought him. He was grumpy and rude but my friend told me he was depressed and felt sorry for him.

I tried to be civil. I even asked him to help me in the kitchen when I saw him sitting in a corner like a shadow. That’s when we started talking. He told me he had lost his job, his marriage and his right to see his daughter. I wasn’t in a good stage of my life either and that was how we connected.

We became friends then lovers and then we were completely crazy about each other. We opened our own business together. A young couple happy and lucky to have found each other.

A week ago he surprised me with tickets to New Orleans. I had told him on the night we met how much I wanted to go there. I was so happy and amazed he remembered that. But, I needed to apply for a visa and so did he. Then again, we had plenty of time because our trip was going to take place after half a year.

He went out to get some cake and wine to celebrate and plan our trip.

He never came back.

The police stood at my door a few hours later. He had had an accident and died. I knew then my life was over.

I planned his funeral, attended his funeral completely and saw his body. But, I did not cry. I was dead on the inside.

Though I let friends and family comfort me, I did not need it. They did. Numb and cold, in my heart I was planning to kill myself.

I killed myself yet I was alive. But that was not all, soon I was going to realize I was not the only one who had risen from the dead.

 

They are coming

They will come. They will be here soon.

Your life will seem so pointless. Your miserable daily problems will seem so stupid.

You’ll realize the end is here.

When they come all that is known to you will perish. Every miserable object you’ve purchased will turn into ashes.

When they come, there will be fire and only fire.

Go!

Hide!

Take your loved ones and run!

Don’t stay here and try to fight. Leave the real fight to those who can! Those who are prepared for what will come, who are used to the scent of the burning flesh that will pollute the air.

Run! Don´t try anything foolish, guns don´t kill them. Nothing that humankind has ever created can kill them.

The sky is turning red! They´re near.

If you think you´re seeing a flock of birds out there in the distance, you´re wrong! It´s them.

Listen to me and run!

Grab what food you have left and run as far as your legs can take you.

Don´t look back, don´t take the car, don´t take the plane. They will destroy it all.

Cover your ears! When they come your ears will bleed from their shrieks. Your eyeballs will burn from their sight! Run!

 

 

Wraith

Darkness surrounds me and I find myself bitter and cold. I am no longer the cheerful person I used to be but an ice queen afraid of people, afraid of living and afraid of loving.

I am no longer the person I used to see in the mirror.

Changed and doomed to become someone else, something else, the demon inside me becoming stronger than ever.

I lost this battle and there is no more room in my heart for love, only for hatred and doubt. Perhaps it is my fault for no longer being able to see the world in all of its glory and beauty. Or perhaps now I see the world for what it truly is and I was foolish for dreaming of a better world before. Now I see the world’s true nature: cold, acrid, abandoned, careless and ignorant.

I no longer look at the stars with hope. No longer listen to music and feel a change of heartbeat. I am no longer alive.

I have failed myself, have fallen into a pit from where I can no longer rise, have fallen on my legs and twisted the bones to the verge of crushing them.

This cannot end, this cannot heal. I cannot heal nor become the person I used to be though I have tried.

Hateful pebbles fall on me, hit me hard every time I try standing up. My very soul is putrefying and my mind has grown so tired that it can no longer comprehend the words ‘happiness’ or ‘joy’…or even ‘a smile’.

I don’t know how I ended up here. Truly, I can’t remember. I can’t! No matter how hard I try. I only know this is not the place in which I used to be.

I became a stranger to myself.

…a memory,

…a wraith.

 

I am not mad!

I am not mad! I am not! Haven’t you been listening to me? They are following me! Can’t you see them on the streets, in the bus how they gaze at me? Watch me? Haven’t you seen their faces? Haven’t you smelled their acid stench as they breathe so close to your face?

You haven’t? You can’t?

Then you choose not to see them.

You have made your bed.

Do not call me mad just because I have chosen to open my eyes!

They are everywhere, in every form, in every breathing thing. Yes, they can hide in the eyes of a child, the barking of a dog, the smile of a pregnant woman. They are so deceiving and their minds are oh so very twisted!

The winter days are the worst for they love the darkness, of course they do. They bathe in the pitch dark nightmares of my very own soul.

I do not sleep at night. I cannot!  It’s not safe, never safe. Not even in my own home. I lock all doors, pull all the curtains and keep the lights on in every room.

Drink.

Smoke.

Weep.

I cannot ask for help!  No one understands me. No one wants to understand me! Of course, I tried it before. I tried explaining it to my closest friends and family. They looked at me…the way they did it…I saw desperation in their eyes as they were about to cry…concerned but mostly terrified of me. But they should not fear me! I am not the one they should fear!

I stopped trying. And, I stopped telling people what was going on. I can’t trust anyone. I cannot trust this world anymore. And the saddest part is that one day you will all think, ‘poor soul, he was just mad’.

No one will know. No one will ever know what had truly happened. Nobody will ever know what they did to me.

No one will know. But, that won’t be the end.

I will become one of them. I will be the one that will haunt others, follow others, and terrify others! Perhaps I will be the one that will gaze upon you, follow you, and drive you to the edge of insanity…

And then my friend, you will have the same words biting your tongue like tiny famished grave worms:

‘I am not mad!’

 

Bizarre dream

I had a bizarre dream once…well I’ve had quite a few along the years but this one I was never able to forget.

I was in the middle of chaos. War broke, the world was falling apart, buildings were burning to the ground, people were running for their lives, nature was turning into ashes. All of this was happening because of a Demon. A Demon had come to Earth and it was going to create an army of undead to destroy humanity once and for all.

I was saved by a few clerics and was taken to the only place that still held a spark of light on earth: a giant castle on top of a hill. Good people lived there and they offered me shelter and food.

That night, while in my room, I saw a bright light coming towards me then falling over me. A soft voice spoke to me. It said I should be strong and start training myself. I will soon be able to fight the army of undead that the Demon had created. I felt blessed and safe. Hope was there after all.

In the next weeks I trained, I learned all the things I needed to know in order to fight evil. I studied all of the Demon’s secrets and weaknesses. I grew strong, powerful, and confident. Before I knew it, I was ready to become a leader to humanity and face the Demon and his army of creatures.

The end of my dream finds me on a battle field. I was waiting to face the Demon, self assured and knowing that good was at my side.

But, I was alone.

Where was my army?

I saw my people… they weren’t at my side but they were a bit further, standing together, frightened and terrified. I didn’t understand why I was facing them instead of standing among them to lead them into battle. And, why were they looking at me so scared?

Suddenly the ground under me started shaking. Things rose from the ground, rotten, decomposing, dead creatures. But they did not attack me as I was looking at them completely frozen. They rose from the ground then they just stood there, all looking at me as if waiting for my orders.

I then realized it.

I was…their commander.

All this time…it wasn’t God who had spoken to me. It was the Demon himself.  He had tricked me into thinking that I was going to fight evil. I had been trained to destroy the Earth.

The army of the undead stared at me, their rotten bloody eyes watching me with…admiration. I looked at the army of humans looking at us. Fire rose around us all.

Then the dream ended.

I remember that morning waking up with a bitter taste in my mouth.

Gypsy magic

Of all the magic I have heard of in my entire life and, I have heard of quite a few, I must say that Gypsy magic is one of the arts that scare me the most.

Gypsies are of course famous for their abilities in future telling, palm reading, scrying etc. But they are mostly feared when it comes to curses. Their curses can be terrifying, horrible…deadly. You don’t believe me?

Here are three stories about the kind of curses a gypsy can set. Who told me about these stories? My very own grandmother.

1. Mercury/quicksilver incantations.

Do you remember when your parents kept you away from thermometers when you were a child and if one broke there was panic? Well, it’s because as we all know mercury is highly poisonous. Imagine this: gypsies who control mercury.

My grandma and people in the country side call mercury the ‘living silver’. She told me that once when she was young she saw mercury marbles going down the road, in a certain direction. Gypsies could create spells ordering mercury to kill a target. The mercury follows the victim and unnoticed, penetrates the person’s footwear reaching the foot, poison taking hold of the body. By the time the victim realizes what happened…

2. Cursed frog.

Yup, never underestimate a frog when it’s standing at your threshold, especially if this frog has a peculiar color. Gypsies can use frogs as bringers of diseases or misery. The Gypsy sends the frog to the victim. If the frog enters the house then the victim will be cursed with a horrid disease or a sudden disaster.

3. Playing with fire.

One day when you’re least expected, you might just burst into flames. Yes, Gypsies are experts for playing with fire. In this case, they can start a fire without even using matches. Some people just burst into flames without even being near a fire. The reason? A gypsy cursed them, either out of personal gain or because someone paid them to do the deed.

 

Spooky stories or hidden truths?

You decide!