Before people start giving advice about drinking, drugs, love and whatever they think they know better, they should really take into consideration that those advises only apply to the humans and not to other creatures in this world. Let’s face it, these rules make no sense to a vampire or a werewolf, these are stupid rules and just don’t work. So if you are not human, I am sure you will agree!
- ‘Don’t drink and drive!’
How does this apply to a vampire? What does blood have to do with driving? It’s actually better to drive on a full stomach than to be famished behind the steering wheel. And besides, vampires don’t even need to drive. Vampires can fly. And no, the advice of ‘Don’t drink and fly!’ doesn’t make any sense either. Complete nonsense. I think this advice should be changed to ‘Don’t drink alcohol and drive if you are a human’ and ‘Don’t drink blood from your victim while flying if you are a vampire.’ There, this makes more sense to me.
- ‘Stay in school! Don’t do drugs!’
Stay in school? How long should a vampire stay in school? One may look 16 but can actually be 495 years old. Should the vampire still stay in school? Has he not learned enough in his 495 years on Earth? And don’t do drugs…what drugs could a vampire possible ‘do’ that will make him feel more powerful and invincible than…a vampire?
- ‘No food or drink.’
This sign you usually see in certain places like museums or theater. But, it’s a very confusing sign. If people are the food and drink, what do they mean with ‘No food or drink?’ Shouldn’t humans be forbidden from entering these places too? Should a creature that consumes people not enter such a place? Or perhaps the sign should be: ‘Do not feed or drink from the humans inside this area.’
- ‘In sickness and in health, till death do us part…’
Bla bla bla! Let aside the fact that marriage vows are completely nonsense to non-humans, no vampire nor werewolf would ever want his or her partner to say these words. A human life is short so humans may afford to make such promises but…a vampire….Please let’s just change this to ‘In sickness and in health, until one of us decided to leave.’
- ‘No dogs allowed.’
Are they referring to dogs, the pets? Or are they just trying to insult werewolves? It’s a rather offensive rule. And what about wererats, werecats etc? It’s such a vague rule. I just don’t know what they mean by it. Perhaps they should change it to ‘No animals or therianthropy allowed.’ For those unknown to the term, therianthropy is the ability of humans to change into animals.
- ‘Good night, sleep tight!’
What a bloody stupid thing to say. Vampires sleep during the day. So it’s quite rude if someone wishes you a good sleep when you’ve just woken up? ‘Sleep tight’ means that the vampire should keep its wings around its body tight? Such a weird saying so I believe we need to be more considerate with our non humans in this matter.
- And last but not least just the word ‘Day dreaming’
For a vampire or werewolf daydreaming is basically…dreaming! Could we stop using this word having in mind that it does not apply to all of us? Call it ‘Dreaming during your awakened hours.’ Call it whatever you like but vampires do not daydream, they nightdream. That would sound quite silly to the human ear, wouldn’t it? Well, at least now they know how non-humans feel!
How about you? Do you have any other rules that do not apply to you? Please share! I’ve grown rather tired of humans making up all these stupid rules…
Niguanta 